WHAT IF by Dino Tripodis
I’m going to be sixty-one years old this April. I’ve never questioned my mortality up till now. I mean, yeah…I know that my time is limited given my bad habits, my excessive behaviors and regular sessions of denial, but I’ve never believed that something out of my control would “take me out.” That thought process has changed a bit in the last month.
When the Coronavirus came into our world initially, I wrote it off like a lot of us had: “It’s the flu. 60,000 people died from it last year. I got my flu shot. I’m good.” No, I’m not. None of us are.
In my lifetime, I’ve never experienced something that has changed the fabric and lifestyle of an entire country. I’ve never thought twice about walking into a grocery store and maintaining a “safe distance” from fellow shoppers. I’ve never religiously sprayed hand sanitizer on myself after picking up the mail, and never have I been so conscious about NOT shaking someone’s hand, or chastising myself for touching my OWN face.
Too much? Some would say yes and some would say not nearly enough given the current circumstances. I’m not entirely sure where I’m at all the time with this pandemic. But I do know this: I’m hounded by the “what if?”
What would happen if I got the virus and died? Died before I finished out a life I still have scheduled in my heart and mind. What if I wasn't around to see my daughter accomplish all the great things I know she will eventually triumph over and succeed with? What if I left the people I love with an unanticipated ache? What if I died before finishing my last chapters in life with the marks I still want to make and gifts I want to leave behind? I’m not done! What if I died before my soon-to-be 84 year old mother? That would “ironically” kill her.
I say, no. I refuse. I wont live in fear, but I also won't move forward in ignorance. I will do what I’m supposed to do to get through this. When I look at life as a whole, I see this as a small, dirty window. Life has a lot of dirty windows along the way. Granted, this one is a tad on the grimy side, but it will be cleaned and when it is…what you see will be far brighter.